All of us have ever experienced the unpleasant feeling of being jealous or jealous of someone. On occasion, we have felt bad thinking that another person can develop affection towards someone other than ourselves and that has negatively affected our mental stability. Now this feeling is even more frustrating when it is experienced towards a person with whom we have no relationship. This feeling can arise from the expectations that we create towards the other since we usually idealize him and we fantasize about having, one day, a relationship with him.
Jealousy is never good and it is correct to identify and treat it whenever we can. In this way, we can establish healthier and more lasting bonds with the people around us. In this Psychology-Online article, we will try to answer the frequently asked question “Why am I jealous if we are nothing?”.
What is jealousy?
We define jealousy as a strong and unpleasant feeling that occurs when we observe or believe that a person feels love and pays attention to someone who is not us. An older sister may be jealous of her newborn sister, a friend may be jealous because her classmate has sat down with another, a girlfriend maybe jealous because her boyfriend is chatting with another … these kinds of feelings are not something. strange, however, they are not good under any circumstances.
Jealousy is born initially from a very common belief in our society: thinking that someone is ours and that they owe us loyalty. The idea of relevance was born as a solution to the fear of being abandoned, if something is ours, it cannot abandon us, right?
The truth is that people should not belong to anyone, we are not the property of any individual nor do we owe loyalty to any other person. While it is true that we should be kind and kind to those who love us, these attitudes cannot be an obligation. We cannot demand love and respect since this attitude is, paradoxically, disrespectful.
This emotion is strongly linked to envy. This is because, some people, explain jealousy as a type of envy that we feel towards the person who is receiving that attention that we so desire.
Is feeling jealous without being anything love?
To better understand the question of “why am I jealous if we are nothing?” it is essential to understand what it means to be nothing.
This colloquial expression implies the fact of not having any kind of sentimental relationship, serious or lasting, agreed with the person for whom we have developed a deep affection. Being nothing can mean having a relationship of friendship, platonic love, and even a relationship of lovers. Despite being nothing, it is not strange to develop feelings towards someone that attracts us deeply, these can lead to insecurities and toxic behaviors if we do not manage them correctly.
Feeling jealous without being anything is not love under any circumstances. This jealousy can arise from the frustration of not being a reciprocated love or envy of seeing how it was a person gives that feeling to another individual. In any case, once detected, we will have to work in depth to eliminate them.
What do I do if I feel jealous and we are nothing?
Both within a couple and outside of it, jealousy is not justified in any case. Therefore, despite being nothing, it is important to act in order to manage this emotion.
The first step will be to clarify the relationship with the person to whom we are attracted. Talking to her and expressing our feelings to her can help us eliminate multiple insecurities. Once we get rid of doubts about the reality of our relationship, we can do exercises based on detachment and emotional independence. Getting ahead, forgetting the past, and living in the present, is the objective of these exercises to eliminate jealousy.
Jealousy in friendship
Jealousy does not only appear in love attraction or in a relationship, there is also jealousy in friendship relationships. These can become just as toxic and destroy a friendship completely.
We may feel bad when a friend doesn’t pay us the attention we think we deserve or spend more time with someone else than with us. This type of jealousy in friendship usually arises from setting unrealistic expectations of the other person or from fear of losing a partner whom we appreciate very much. The fear of losing someone we love is normal, however, there are healthier and more beneficial ways to manage it. It is important to remember that everyone is free to go out with whoever they want and to have the friends they want.
To eliminate jealousy in friendship, we can propose plans with the new friends of our partner or start new relationships to avoid depending on a single person. Another solution is to generate independent strategies to promote our mental health, in this way, we can prevent these feelings from repeating in us. Enjoying moments in solitude is a practice that we do not usually do and that can help us a lot in our personal growth.
How to overcome jealousy
Once we have assumed that this feeling has a negative impact on our mental health, it is time to work conscientiously to eliminate it. To do this, we offer a series of simple steps that can help us achieve our goal:
Identify the feeling: the first step is to identify the moment when we begin to feel bad and the context in which the feeling occurs. Once we know when jealousy occurs, it is much easier to work the thoughts and beliefs that surround that feeling.
Sustain: although it is true that jealousy is not a positive feeling, punishing ourselves for feeling it is not going to be of great help either. Holding an emotion implies not judging it, observing how it makes us feel, and not trying to block it.
Ask yourself the need to feel jealous: once we are able to sustain the feeling of jealousy, we can ask ourselves questions about it. The objective of questioning ourselves is to rationalize jealousy ” What does it give me to feel this? ” ” What good is being jealous of me?” They are examples of issues that can help us overcome this feeling.
Channel negative emotions and encourage positive dynamics that strengthen our individuality. After observing that we need to cast jealousy out of our lives, it is time to channel it. To do this, we can apply a series of relaxation and meditation techniques added to the rationalization of the feeling of jealousy.
Enjoy our own company: Finally, when we are able to manage jealousy correctly, it is time to see that, indeed, we can enjoy our company and independence. We do not need to project expectations of affection on others to feel loved, it is enough to learn to provide ourselves with the necessary affectionate care.
Over time, and following these tips, we will be able to manage jealousy until it disappears. With this, we will eliminate an important part of toxic behaviors and we will be able to establish healthier relationships. If someone wants to be by our side it is by their own decision, not because they belong to us. Jealousy prevents us from moving forward as people and only fuels the same insecurities that generate them.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.