Who were you with? Why do you talk to that person so much? Again with X? You see each other a lot lately, right?
We have all ever felt that strange sensation, a mixture of anger, fear, and nerves that invade our body and that can even end up becoming something obsessive and harmful if we let it dominate us. Yes, we are talking about jealousy, a social feeling that appears when we feel that someone could take away that person we love. If you want to know more about what jealousy is in a partner, why it occurs and how to eliminate it , keep reading this Psychology-Online article.
What is couple jealousy in psychology?
Jealousy is feelings of suspicion, mistrust and fear that occur in relation to another person. When these feelings occur within a relationship, they are called couple jealousy, and they are the most common. Jealousy usually underlies feelings of insecurity, anguish, inferiority, fear, low self-esteem, dependence, etc.
There is a false belief that jealousy is a sign of love, but nothing could be further from the truth. Jealousy is not about love, but about possessiveness and all the feelings mentioned above. Being jealous is quite common, but when we cannot control it and they interfere in our daily life causing too much suffering, it is likely that jealousy has become pathological. The best way to know how to overcome obsessive jealousy is to go to a professional psychologist who can study your case and give you an adapted treatment. For everything else, read on.
Why does partner jealousy occur?
Jealousy is not without a very powerful cultural component: we are talking about monogamy and romantic love. From a young age we learn that we will end up finding someone who will love us as if there were no tomorrow, who will complete us and will always be by our side. Only in this way can we be happy, giving meaning to our lives and avoiding ending up alone and sad, regretting the rest of our days.
This is important to understand why they occur. At the base, we have a system of expectations, values, customs, beliefs about what is correct and what is not, which promote the emergence of this feeling. We idealize the relationship, we believe that our partner can only love us, we hope that he only has eyes for us and, above all, that he is ours. The trigger for jealousy is the perception of the threat (whether real or imagined), a person external to the relationship that lurks and waits with the intention of taking away our most precious asset and overthrowing that ideal to which we clung.
The truth is that we are not jealous of everyone, but only of those people, we perceive as potential rivals. Here the conception we have of ourselves, how we see ourselves, what is our self-esteem plays a fundamental role. Jealousy becomes a defense mechanism to hide our insecurity and fear when we feel our fairy tale shake due to a third person.
In the following article you will find more information about what jealousy is in psychology and what its causes are.
How to eliminate jealousy in your partner
Can jealousy and mistrust be controlled? Can a jealous person change? Jealousy in the couple has gone hand in hand with the culture of monogamy, which we have been nurturing for more than 2,000 years. Thus, the fact that they arise is very common, but getting rid of them is not so easy. However, it is not impossible either. You can work on jealousy in your partner by following some tips to end jealousy before it ends up deteriorating our relationship:
1. Do a little introspection
Where does this jealousy come from? Why do they appear in such a situation? Realizing the origin of our jealousy not only helps us to know ourselves better but also gives us tools to deal with it better.
2. Increase your self-esteem
How to avoid jealousy in the couple? To reduce jealousy in general, you must work on your self-esteem. Remember the good things you have, your abilities, get ahead sometimes, do something that you feel like doing, etc. We do not fight jealousy itself, nor the person who provokes it, but its origin: the weakness that from the beginning allows it to appear. Here you will find some tools to improve your self-esteem.
3. Talk to your partner
How to deal with jealousy in your partner? It consists of explaining how you feel, but not from the position of reproaching him for anything. Recognizing these kinds of feelings in front of our partner is not always easy. There are others, like pride and fear, that stop us from doing it. But there is nothing wrong or shameful in accepting them and explaining them to them. On the contrary, it can help you to improve your communication, to understand you and empathize with you more, and to open up and be more honest with you. In this article, you will find how to improve communication in the couple.
4. Meet the person
No, that doesn’t mean that you stalk her (that could be even more pathological), but rather that you ask your partner to introduce her to you some time. If that person who makes us jealous is someone close to your partner or is going to be with them for a long time (a lifelong friend, a co-worker, etc.), it may be helpful to meet them in person. This helps us to de- idealize her, see that she is a person of flesh and blood like us, and get rid of a little of our insecurity. In addition, you will always have a common theme: your partner! Of course, it is not essential that you become friends of the soul.
5. Visit a professional
Going to a psychologist or therapist is always beneficial, both to gain perspective on the matter and to help us carry out the previous points.
Remember that a relationship free of jealousy is a healthier relationship, and you will enjoy it much more!
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.