One of the deepest emotional dilemmas a person can experience is falling in love with a married person. At that moment, the opposition between reason and heart arises when the thought says one thing but the heart feeds the desire to be reciprocated. It is not a simple situation, however, if the myth of the fairy tale and the charming prince should always be banished.
In a situation of this type it is even more urgent not to feed a false concept of romanticism since in most situations, the natural evolution of this love is the suffering of a relationship in which there is a lack of freedom to make simple love plans. ” I am in love with a married man: what do I do? ” If you feel identified with this situation, in Psychology-Online we accompany you in the search for an answer.
What to do when a married man looks for you
Each situation is unique and in the end you will be the one to decide what to do to manage this relationship, however, we want to provide you with the best advice :
- If you ask your group of friends and family for advice on this matter, most of them will tell you to end this situation and not to get more involved in this relationship. Why is there such a universal consensus on the advisability of acting in this way in these cases? Because cinema, literature, and reality itself show the difficulty associated with this type of sentimental triangles in which the person who suffers the most is the person who lives a secret relationship with a married man and has to constantly repress his true desires and interests because he occupies a role in the background to the wife.
- That does not mean that it is easy for you to walk away at first, you may feel that you are making a gesture that goes against your own will. However, after a while, you will likely be glad that you protected yourself.
- Don’t avoid reality. If you want to maintain contact with this person because perhaps you are forced to do so by circumstances, if you are both parts of the same environment, for example, work, then it is recommended that during your conversations with him you do not ignore his partner, don’t treat this topic as taboo. When you talk about her, you make her presence in the situation and remember what the sentimental reality of that man is, regardless of how you would like it to be.
- Friendship time. It may happen that you are in love and he is also in love with you. Maybe your relationship is broken and the possibility of love between you is real. However, in that case, you can also make the decision to maintain a friendship without becoming more emotionally involved in this relationship. A time when both of you can get to know each other and make decisions about your future together or separately.
- Avoid idealizing him. One of the risks of this situation is that, given the impossibility of starting a courtship with that person by sharing this news with your environment of friends and acquaintances, you observe that someone from a prism of unattainable perfection. However, this man has defects that his wife has discovered and that you will also discover if at some point you are in the position of starting a relationship marked by routine. That is, the risk of making sudden decisions at this time is to get carried away by the heart at a time when the distortion of reality is more than likely due to the effect of pure subjectivity. It is essential to know how to stop idealizing someone.
When to end a relationship with a married man
If you have started a relationship with a married man with the expectation that this situation will soon change between you, then you can set a definite deadline for that to happen. You can have a clear, direct conversation with him to express your point of view. Hope should be put into context when it comes to a secret love.
If you are tired of not being able to meet him as much as you would like, if you do not like the idea of lying to your environment about your love life, if the waiting moments are infinite and the encounters are minimal, then, perhaps you have reached that limit where you want a change and find reasons to stop waiting on love.
In that case, the important thing is that you listen to your inner voice and act in coherence with this situation, valuing yourself and letting him fight for you as you deserve if he really loves you. But the most important thing is that he shows you this love not only with his words but also with his actions. It is the facts that can change the course of events in this script.
Advice from psychology
When you are in love, it is very difficult to make the decision to separate yourself from that person. However, you can not only appeal to your own feeling, but also to the external circumstances that condition the reality of this love. If the circumstances affect you in a negative way and make you suffer, then listen to that information. Falling in love is not enough to love a person when you have the feeling that you must fight to infinity to make the situation change.
Ultimately, this decision is totally personal and unique. It’s about your life and your story. Evaluate your decisions not only from the present perspective but also from the future.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.