Every day it is more normal to meet people to whom social obligations and commitment do not suit, either due to personality tendencies or fear of being tied to someone. With advances in society and the arrival of new ways of relating to each other, different types of affective ties have emerged that did not exist before. Polyamorous, open relationships, friends with the right to touch … all this is a curious subject but it is still something difficult to manage emotionally.
The idea that someone belongs to us, jealousy and toxic attitudes are negative reactions that usually arise and we must learn to control if we want to have a healthy relationship, whether conventional or not. If you want to know how to have a relationship without commitment, we recommend you read the following Psychology-Online article.
Have a stable relationship without commitment
First, we need to define what engagement represents for us. Normally, we usually associate it with monogamy, that is, only having sex with one person. We also relate it to making future plans, meeting your circle of friends, family … it is normal to have a bit of vertigo when being forced to meet all these expectations, that is why some people choose to have a stable relationship but without commitment.
In these types of relationships, no matter how different they may seem, there is also love and affection. Not following social conventions does not directly imply a lack of love. What’s more, giving each other the freedom not to fulfill any type of commitment can mean a very important show of affection. It is even possible that, with the passage of time, both parties in the relationship adapt and end up generating an agreement between them very similar to the one they had refused when starting the relationship.
Each relationship is unique, there are many ways to express love in a couple and only those who live in its dynamics can know exactly if everything is going well or not. The fact of being an open or closed relationship does not imply that it is better or worse, what really matters are attitudes and mutual respect. That is why, if we decide not to have monogamy, we must learn the best keys to know how to have a relationship without commitment.
Is it possible to love without compromise?
As we have mentioned previously, you can love without commitment and that does not imply any kind of disrespect if the pact had been generated previously. It is possible to love without commitment in the same way that it is possible not to love with a commitment. The pacts are not directly related to love, the important thing is how that person treats us and if they take responsibility for taking care of us.
Care in the couple does not require a commitment to monogamy, however, it is essential in a loving relationship. Such care is defined as the care and affection that a person provides to their partner, taking into account their physical and emotional state.
He loves me but without commitment
It is possible that we are starting a relationship with a person and they tell us that they do not want to have any kind of pact or agreement with us. If this situation occurs, it is important to speak up and communicate our insecurities and expectations. If we see that this person is not willing to establish a bond and that behind that ” I love you but without ties ” there is a lack of empathy and responsibility, we may have to consider whether to continue with the relationship or not. If, on the contrary, we are in sync and seek the same thing, we will have to leave behind many social beliefs and ideas regarding open relationships and try to have a healthy and stable dynamic.
It is also possible that both people like you, you feel an attraction but there is no romantic bond and that, therefore, you do not want to establish a commitment. As we have commented previously, each relationship is unique and what matters in the end is living that experience in the best possible way.
How to have an open relationship
Making the decision to have a relationship without commitment is not something that has to be taken lightly, although it seems something simple it is not since we have to adapt to new ideas and leave behind many social beliefs. Whether with feelings or not, with care agreements or total detachment on both sides, it is important to learn exactly the best keys to know how to have an open or non-committed relationship.
Promote your independence
When we speak of independence, we refer to the ability we have to move forward and fill our gaps without having to seek the solution in other people. Emotional dependence on the partner is something that has always been normalized, the fact of needing someone to be happy has been romanticized. This is not healthy behavior at all and if we want to take the step of having an open relationship, we will have to be willing to develop strategies to be more independent people.
Deal with jealousy
There are many people who claim that jealousy is a natural response to the fear of losing someone, however, it is important to know that society fosters the sense of belonging that fuels the feeling of jealousy. This feeling is extremely toxic and does not add anything positive to the relationship. We must learn to detect when we are jealous and what we can do with them to channel them and prevent them from hurting us, both ourselves and our partner.
Talk about your insecurities
Being an insecure person does not have to imply that you are going to have a bad open relationship. The key in these cases is to identify our weaknesses and communicate them openly to the person with whom we maintain a relationship without commitment. It is possible that we feel bad about our physique, we think that we are not enough and even that we are not worth being in a relationship, these thoughts are still the product of our head and can be treated with exercises and psychological therapy. The important thing is not to get carried away by feelings of insecurity and to strengthen self-esteem to avoid developing toxic and dependent behaviors.
The consequences of a relationship without commitment do not have to be negative, these types of experiences can help us learn more about people outside of social conventions, promote our independence, and strengthen coping strategies. Open relationships can be the solution when we are attracted to someone but are not ready to commit to monogamy or we simply want to experience what it is like to be in this type of relationship. Be that as it may, the priority will always fall on our personal well-being and on feeling comfortable in the dynamics, whether with commitment or without.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.