There is a proposal on social networks to establish July 19, as the day of the privileged friend, as a way to celebrate that type of relationship that transcends friendship without a sexual interest but without reaching courtship. Many people today prefer to be friends with privileges or the right to touch, intimacy or sexual relations. This denomination is used more and more becoming fashionable. Friendship and sex, two words that are linked to this term of recent use, to denominate a type of sporadic relations, where good treatment predominates and whose purpose is to have sexual relations,
without future promises.
What are the rules of a relationship of friends with the right to touch
- Do not fall in love
- Not jealous
- Do not make the relationship public
- Do not demand anything from the other person
- Not seeing each other too often
- Certain availability
- Have the most unprejudiced sex possible
So the only feeling that is allowed is that of sympathy. If something else comes up, the relationship stops making sense. Three-quarters of privileged friends have never had more than a year of sporadic encounters. Most friends with rights regard it as something positive in their lives and they often remain, friends, after sex is over.
This type of relationship has less affective connotation than courtship and therefore fewer obligations, responsibilities and expectations. The participants are aware of the type of relationship they have, which does not guarantee that the possibility of falling in love or expecting something more is excluded.
Only the young?
Although this type of relationship began to be commonly seen between adolescents and young people under 25 years of age, today more and more adults, even the elderly, see in friendship with rights a way to avoid the affective commitment with a partner stable. These people have been married or in a stable relationship at least once.
They are convinced that it is better to live alone and that nothing is more important than independence and freedom, as they consider themselves self-sufficient. Generally, this way of thinking in adults is the result of love failure with one or more previous partners.
This type of relationship can be equally between people with heterosexual or homosexual orientation. The places that are conducive to meeting these friends can be work, school, common activities, such as the gym or a party, Facebook and Internet forums mainly.
As we have seen, this type of relationship is considered a game, where both of them respect the rules and have fun.
Something common among people who play the “half couple” is the fear that the other person perceives them as a stable or formal relationship, due to the commitment or responsibility that involves having to share purposes, coexistence or expenses. Also the fear of being controlled, dominated and guarded. Others feel the fear of being the victims of betrayal and infidelity. Some go on the tangent of living in the present moment and not thinking about tomorrow.
Dating and marriage in crisis?
We are struck by the fact that the marriage of the 21st century is going through a crisis as an institution, where there is a high rate of divorce, raising children without the presence of both parents.
From childhood, they are exposed to the belief that marriage generates unhappiness, that it prevents self-realization and free expression. The lack of tolerance and understanding in the roles of each gender, today seriously affects coexistence. Unfortunately this discourse of freedom and independence is widely proclaimed by the institutions, the media and even the family itself.
If adults get along so badly, it is better to remain “children”, which reflects states of affective deficiency: “it is better not to ask, before I am going to be denied.” Fear of growing up, because the adult world with so many responsibilities and obligations looks very hostile. Fear of having children who may be as unhappy and unprotected as they felt. Fear of frustration and failure.
Is it preferable to have friends with the right?
This new relationship model takes us back to the origins of humanity, where moral or religious codes did not prevail when seeking to have sexual relations, although with the difference that nowadays mating is not sought for reproductive purposes, but only for sexual intercourse. erotic pleasure.
This form of emotional asepsis is a way to rationalize fears related to the need for acceptance and security, which can eventually lead to mistrust and inauthenticity. It is another of the ways of living in a virtual world, so much used in our days.
Can love be victorious?
We do not intend to judge friendship with sex rights as a bad thing. If someone uses this it is because they need it. The important thing is to know what is behind this need. We want you to stop for a moment to meditate. His unconscious is probably harboring certain wounds that he has not yet managed to heal. Remember that what we reject always hides a fear of accepting it and that fears tend to limit our life.
These limitations can make you lose the pleasure to share goals, objectives, interests. This requires a process of preparation, self-knowledge, acceptance and improvement. Respect and acceptance for the other is a sign of emotional maturity.
Those who have sex with love have felt an unknown energy spring from themselves that allows them to create and share what they have created. Seeking the support of another when we cannot do something alone shows good sense and humility. Wanting to help someone is a show of compassion. This can only be achieved by harboring that feeling called love, which transcends the ephemeral infatuation.
Let’s work on our spiritual growth and we will not need defense mechanisms that take us away from our essence. True freedom is not being afraid to share. Only those who are prepared can take the best of us. The selection of the right person will occur consciously.
This article is merely informative, in Psychology-Online we do not have the power to make a diagnosis or recommend a treatment. We invite you to go to a psychologist to treat your particular case.